Messages from Fr. Michael

For those who are afflicted by addiction and struggling with recovery, it can be very difficult, if not impossible, to see their own beauty. A life of addiction is filled with shame, broken relationships, dishonesty, manipulation, and violated trust, so that the addict sees only the manure and not the flower.
In that seed of ourselves there is the blossom, but in order for the blossom to bloom, the seed must die. In the decomposition of the seed, roots begin to form. They reach out, take nourishment from the soil, climb through the dirt and fertilizer, reaching for the sun so that in its warmth, the bud can bloom into something beautiful and fragrant.

This can be our story; that seed, with its hard shell is how we have locked ourselves up, protecting ourselves so that we can maintain our isolation, and not risk the danger of relationships and intimacy. This seed, unless planted, can destroy the blossom of recovery and life that lives within. Shame is the substance of the shell, locking within the possibility of growth and change. Shame is the fatal virus that will kill the addict; the hard shell that destroys the potential within.

In order to grow, the shell of shame must be broken down. In order to break down this shell, the seed must be planted in good soil; the soil of honesty, authenticity, willingness and acceptance, and that is the soil of the 12-steps, a community built on honesty, acceptance and a willingness to change. Often, it is in the 12-step community that the sufferer for the first time in their life has an accepting family and community.

As that shell of shame begins to disintegrate and the roots of growth reach out, nourishment flows in, to sustain the growing plant. The nourishment of humility, embracing powerlessness, accepting a power greater than self, accepting responsibility, growing in maturity, breaking through the earth, basking in the radiance of the sun.

Now, out here in the sun, liberated from the shell, life is fragile. You are vulnerable; the elements of life can stunt your growth and impede your blossoming or even destroy your flower. Recovery is a risk; you leave the shell of isolation and embark on a journey of intimacy and honesty, which is always fragile, but embedded in that seed is our blossom.

The journey to recovery is difficult, challenging and ongoing, but it is also the promise to be happy, joyous, and free.
 
 

Way back in the early days of TV, there was a comedy duo named, “Burns and Allen,” made up of George Burns and Gracie Allen. Gracie was portrayed as a bit of a dimwit and yet just below the surface, Gracie possessed a profound and simple wisdom. One of her best lines was, “Never put a period where God puts a comma.” As I reread that line and thought about it, I have been obsessed by the wisdom and insight of this thought. It made me really think about my own life and how often I tried to put periods where God was putting commas.

Let me share with you a few personal examples. When I first become aware that my drinking was getting out of hand, I tried many ways to stop or at least control my drinking such as never drinking before 4:00 p.m., changing from scotch to wine, giving up booze for Lent or at least no booze on Good Friday, and limiting the number of drinks. All of these attempts failed, and I began to believe that just like my dad, I was a drunk and just couldn’t quit. I was putting a period on my struggle with alcohol. But then I was confronted by the Diocese and met an incredible human being who became my sponsor and saved not just my life but my priesthood, Bill D. I began going to AA meetings, got sober and began a whole new and wonderful life. You see, I was going to put a period where God was putting a comma.
Another moment occurred years ago when I was diagnosed with “end-stage kidney disease.” That phrase, “end stage,” ain’t never good, and I was scared. My treatment began with dialysis – first 6 months of dialysis where you go to the dialysis center 3 times a week for treatments, 4 hours each treatment, and three years of peritoneal, which you do at home on a machine for 8 hours every day. At the end of 3 years, I was getting weaker and was preparing for my death. My quality of life was diminishing. I was putting a period, but God was not. Out of nowhere, a lady in my parish came to me, said she had been tested and we were compatible and would I take her kidney. WOW! I was overwhelmed. That was 3 ½ years ago; I am still here and my life is great. Thankfully, I was not able to put a period where God insisted in putting a comma.

I share these personal stories to remind you that so many of the obstacles, challenges and even perceived failures in life are not the end. Often, that is where God puts the comma. Many who are struggling with addiction try desperately to “get sober.” They go to 12-step meetings, rehab, work the program, but still have relapses and go to multiple rehabs. They feel stuck in the muck; they want to give up. They want to put a period; however, maybe God is putting a comma, and that comma is hope! Saying: Don’t give up! Believe in yourself, even in the midst of your struggles and failures because God believes in and loves you, and that love can never be lost.

The idea of “never putting a period where God puts a comma” applies to almost everything in life. Sometimes we want to stop! Give up! Move on! However, God may be saying to us that in this time of pain, crisis, confusion and failure, there is an abundance of grace! Now, faith is living a mystery; it is being able to live in the question so that you may never know until after the fact if God was putting either a period or a comma, but that is not up to you. Trust God enough to let God decide where to put the comma and where to put the period.

Remember, “Never put a period where God puts a comma.”
 
 

Dear Friends,
During this very difficult and frightening time, as we deal with the Covid-19 virus, we are forced to spend more time alone, and this can be a real challenge for those in recovery and for all of us who will be affected dealing with so much isolation. This can be a time of extreme stress and loneliness, and it is very important that we diligently maintain connections with others. Isolation and loneliness can exacerbate depression, provide fodder for abuse, lead to a relapse with alcohol or drugs, or other
destructive substances or behaviors. For this reason, please stay connected to each other and use this time to spend more time with God, embracing the stillness and quiet; listening with your heart to the voice and presence of God. Keep a journal, recording your time with the Lord. Read the Scripture, spiritual literature and recovery literature, especially the “Big Book.” Stay in close contact with your fellow home group members and especially your sponsor. Try to find an online meeting and always remember to live life on life’s terms, “One Day at a Time.”

Stay Positive
Remain Hopeful
Peace,
Father Michael